It's Not Too Late. 9/11*

Well, today is the 14th Anniversary of a day that I know none of us can ever forget. It was absolutely a horrible, sad, sickening day all across, not only America, but also the whole world. Fear hit hard that day, and we were all absolutely shocked. I hate this day so badly for the families who are still grieving for their lost loved ones and for the responders and the victims who are still trying to recover and stay alive. I hope they can feel all of the prayers that I know many of us are sending up for them, especially today. 

I do not want to recount all of my bad memories I have from 9/11. From watching the news in my 7^th grade Spanish classroom to the moment my mom came to pick me up from school so she could explain to me herself exactly what was happening, and so I wouldn’t have to be scared…

I want to look back on that day and I want to tell you that I woke up that morning, and it was a beautiful day. It always seems like September 11th is a wonderful day for weather. It’s just starting to get a little chill in the air, and the sky is always so clear. I’m sure I was dreading school and being short and snappy, because I was always a brat in the mornings. I don’t remember all the moments leading up to hearing the news, but I know that in my classroom there were at least a handful of people that I didn’t get along with and they certainly didn’t like me either. I remember when our teacher told us what’s happening and turned the TV on CNN, every bit of hate or meaningless drama or bullying completely left that room. It seriously evaporated, it was kind of eery. We all sat there in silence, and when the bell rang to go to the next class, we all stood shoulder to shoulder and we couldn’t have cared less if we were touching someone we didn’t like. We glanced up at those people we'd had issues with all year, and we gave them a smile. I don’t think that the true gravity of it all had hit us, but we knew this was something we needed to stand together for. Once I got home and watched the news with my mom and sister, I remember seeing all the outpouring love from the people in New York, around the ruble, covered in ashes just clinging to each other. Skin color meant nothing on that day. Religious views meant nothing on that day. Political affiliations meant nothing on that day. Sexual orientation meant nothing on that day. We were America and we were standing together. Out of something so tragic and horrific came a huge outpouring of love, understanding, and unity. Our neighbors, families, friends, coworkers, police officers, firemen, doctors, nurses, servicemen/women, and teachers...they meant everything to us that day.

"If we learn nothing else from this tragedy, we learn that life is short and there is no time for hate." -Sandy Dahl, wife of Flight 93 pilot, Jason Dahl

Look at us today, 14 years later, compared to how we were then. Are we really doing these victims and their families any justice by tearing each other apart? Why are we so busy with attacking each other, and forgetting to stand together as a nation EVERY DAY? Not just on 9/11, but every single day. We could be so much further ahead than we are now if we would have kept that love and unity going strong from 2001 until now. But it’s not too late! It’s never too late to start over again and throw the hate away and let the whole nation be overcome with love, unity, and pride all over again. That’s my prayer today. That we can all find the good sense, and the forgiveness in our hearts to move forward, come together, and stand as one for all of those 2,977 people who can no longer stand here with us. It’s not too late.

  

All my love,

Paige xo

Rape Is An Occupational Hazard?

I watched a documentary film called "The Invisible War" tonight. What brought me to watch such a film isn't really important here. But as the film began, and as I heard the basic opening statements, I thought, "This is wrong, no doubt! Horrible. But, these women are walking into a male-dominated environment that has a history of female abuse. I just can't believe that they would subject themselves to sexual assault if they are scared of it happening." Please, stay with me. I realize how wrong ignorant I am in thinking this, but these were just the first honest things that crossed my mind within the first 5 minutes of watching the documentary. I said these words out loud to my husband who mostly had a similar thought pattern. Again, stay with me, don't judge me. It's all about to take a major turn...

I do NOT have any extremely "close" military ties nor do I have any family history to speak of. What ties I do have are males. I respect them, I do not think badly of any of them AT ALL. I have respect for any serviceman or woman, unless I know for a fact that I should think otherwise about them.

This blog was never meant to be about political issues nor to discuss any gossip or tabloid topics. That's not what I want to do on a weekly basis, there's enough of that out there as it is. But after watching this film about female (and, surprisingly a huge percentage of male) sexual abuse and rape in the military, I could not stop myself from writing about it. It's that powerful, guys. The stories and the consequences that these victims have had to go through is completely undeserving, unjust, unfair, and also mostly, unpunished. These women and men love their country and its people so much that they want to sign up to risk their lives for it. For us. When something bad happens to them, we need to give them our best to help no matter the cost. The timeless quote goes, "God, country, family..." This is the order in which most of these wonderful people place their dedication and priority. Thank GOD we have people like this, or at this point, America would be wiped off the map. Do you understand what I am saying here? I appreciate them SO much, and I'll never say that I don't.

HOWEVER... 

After seeing these numerous accounts of rape, violence, threats, and assault upon women and men who are serving in all branches of the military, I am seriously disgusted and disturbed. How can we ask anyone to risk their lives for us if we can't promise that we will provide a just system and appropriate personnel to look after them while they are preparing to go into a war zone? We can't do that. IT IS NOT RIGHT. Now, let me address my initial thoughts, since I've already strayed so far away from them: I had no idea that within the military, commanding officers are given the power to decide on whether or not to take further action when a rape or sexual crime (or any other issue) is reported (1). Also, most of the rapists in these cases ARE the commanding officers or higher ranking personnel (2). So, naturally they aren't going to nail themselves to a cross and admit to any wrong doing. They're going to pull their rank and threaten these victims with being beaten, mistreated, embarrassed, reduced in rank, or dishonorably discharged (3). So, 25% of rape cases in the military go unreported until the victims are no longer active (4). Also, there were TWO women on this film who were charged with adultery for claiming a commanding officer (who was married) raped them, even though neither of these women were married at the time. Absolutely insane. These victims have PTSD from their rape, not from battle. They are not taken seriously by Veterans Affairs because the issue was never properly reported to begin with. Either due to the victim being terrified to speak up or because of evidence or proof being "lost" or "misplaced". 

I've been upset about the way veterans are treated in this country for a while anyway. But this type of problem (or epidemic as the film calls it) is completely unacceptable. These people are committing suicide or trying to, anyway because no one will help them. These men and women are made to feel like it was their fault or that they are weak or cowardice. When in reality, its the rapist who fits that bill.

"A Navy study found that 15% of incoming recruits attempted or committed rape before entering the military. Which is twice the percentage of the equivalent civilian population." (5)   

Professionals on this film claim that the military CAN BE a potential hunting ground for "serial" rapists to exercise their problematic behavior. Because there is no legal system in place for these servicemen and women, any commanding officer can sweep a report under the rug, or make it seem that the crime was never actually committed. They are "in charge of appointing the prosecution, defense, investigator, they appoint the police force, and they are the judge. They own everything." (6) How terrifying is that? Can you imagine going into a workplace where you know that rape or sexual assault is a very high possibility, and then not being able to do anything about it? Would that not discourage you from entering that workplace? I know that I would definitely steer clear of it! As citizens we have the power to go to the police and report these crimes, hire a lawyer, file a lawsuit...whatever we need to do. These armed forces victims do not.  If I knew that anyone, a manager, owner, or trainer had THAT much power over me, I would not want any part of that career. Can you imagine if this is how restaurant workplaces, news casting stations, or teaching and educational positions were handled? There would be an uproar, as there usually is when any type of rape story hits the news or social media. Why don't we care as much about these people? Is this what we want when we are needing recruits to sign up to serve our country? Do we want men and women to feel scared or discouraged to serve a country that they clearly love just because we don't have the correct resources in place (or backbone) to keep them from being assaulted? Sure, there will be plenty of people who don't see this film or who don't understand (just as I didn't) how the hierarchy can be used against you in the armed forces when they sign up. I pray they never have to know this type of treatment or harassment because they deserve SO much better. 

(If you are interested in learning more, I'm listing sources for this information below. All quotes or stats came from the film or their website.)

We are better than this, America. I know that it seems like the world is going down the drain, and in a lot of ways, it is. But we can honestly do much better than this. How is it fair to prosecute a normal citizen and give him/her jail time for the same crimes that officers in the armed forces are committing, and then walking away without even a warning? At the end of this film at least 2 of the offenders were awarded promotions or medals during or after the time of these reported assaults. This isn't right. You do not get to do as you please and rise above the law just because you wear a badge and have served our country well. There are rules of conduct, you know? No one is above the law. Let's just keep that in mind. 

I don't know about you, but I'm taking this time to pray for those who have been affected by this problem in our armed forces. Just because they may have been let go from their duties which they signed up for, doesn't mean that they haven't given their all. I pray that they turn to God with their struggles and that they can find peace with Him. I pray that these issues will not haunt them for the rest of their days and that they can still hold their heads high knowing that they signed up to help our country and to be respected. The consequences of others actions cannot be placed on them (the victims). I know this was a long post, and I appreciate anyone who has read this far with me and who will eventually go on to watch the film. I think it's something we all need to see.

**Here's a few links that I thought may lift spirits or help those who have experienced this tragedy:

"It Is Well With My Soul"

"Praise You In This Storm"

"Man Of Sorrows" 

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

All my love (and respect),

Paige xo    

Sources 1-6  (and many used within textual reference) -http://www.notinvisible.org
This is a great one to learn more and get involved -http://www.protectourdefenders.com
Help Veterans however you can! - http://www.dav.org/help-dav/volunteer/volunteer-locally-help-the-va/

Jesus is for the weak.

Jesus is for the weak. I know this is a saying or phrase that has been thrown out there a million times. And I contemplated even writing about it, because it just seems "overdone". But this is one of my favorite ways to look at Jesus. I love to see him as someone who lived his life to "serve" the weak, and to be there for them. And now, most of the time, it's the weak who come to serve him. Biblically, we know this is true as well. Look at all of his disciples that he chose to travel with him and to spread the word of God. None of them were perfect and most of them were wicked at some point in their lives. Matthew was a tax collector, who was looked down on at the time, and seen as a cruel person. Mary was looked at as a prostitute. Paul was admittedly against the teachings of Jesus, and eventually went on to write 14 of the 27 books in the New Testament. Peter, even after seeing all of the miracles of Jesus and following Jesus through many trials, denied him three times when it mattered most. And the list goes on and on.

Jesus thrives on the weak. And that is not to make him seem like he wants us to be weak or to be powerless in order to seek him or for him to use us, but that he is there for even those of us who are not deserving or who do not believe. He loves to build us up and fill our hearts. All of this sounds so poetic and I know we have all heard it time and time again. So, I want to try a different approach...

I have struggled for a long time with many faults that I felt separated me from God. It sometimes turned me away from Him because I didn't even think I stood a chance! I heard someone say once, "Stop remembering what God has forgotten" and I loved it. What I took from this was that if you have done bad things (which I think we all have) then ask forgiveness and move on! Stop dwelling on your issues. This is easier said than done, I know.

God is there to listen to our problems, and then forgive us and guide us. If we let Him! I feel as though the "weak" have a fast link to God. Let me explain...
Devout Christians pray all the time and they know their place and they know how to live their lives. They have studied, and they have learned. They pray and talk to God a lot. But, the weak or the non-believers, they talk to God when they MEAN IT. Whether it happens at 3:00am or in the middle of a custody trial, or in an AA meeting. When they decide to talk to God, they mean it. They are desperate, and they need a miracle, and they start to look to the only one who can provide that. Maybe He will, maybe He won't. But when they turn to God, they desperately need Him. Now, that's not to say that they can't backslide and fall off track. But when someone who doesn't traditionally make God part of their daily lives prays, they do it seriously. God hears all of our prayers. Not just the ones coming from devout Christians, but also from those who struggle with faith or belief. God is there!

A lot of people struggle with their families to be accepted. They don't fit in, or they are constantly feeling judged. They make mistakes, and their families bring them up over an over again. God doesn't do that. God knows how to drop it! God loves you no matter what. God gives us so many chances. You are forgiven, you can start over, and He loves you. That's all you need to know sometimes. Sometimes, that makes all the difference. It makes life easier knowing that someone is there for you, and someone is listening to you, and someone cares. God sent His only son to die on this earth for our sins. God and Jesus have made the sacrifice so we can have forgiveness. Take advantage of the best gift you will ever receive. Don't dwell in the past, move on. "Stop remembering what God has already forgotten".

All my love,
Paige xo

He Keeps Me Safe.

I'm not sure how many people know this, but I am a type I diabetic. And I have been for about 14 years. I have always struggled with the disease and I have always hated it. I'd rather sweep it under the rug than tell people that I am sick because I truly do not like to talk about it at all. So, I usually don't warn friends what to look out for if anything should go wrong with my blood sugar, because I feel like it makes them uncomfortable or hesitant to want to be around me. I feel like I need to explain how this disease affects me before I get to the point of this story.
When my blood sugar drops, it can be something that happens out of nowhere, or it can be something that happens gradually and I feel it coming. Most of the time, for me, it happens very suddenly and if I don't treat it quickly, then I have the potential to be in big trouble. Now, when my blood sugar runs high, that's a different story. I can generally feel those symptoms (blurry vision, aching back, excessive thirst, and irritable moods) and so I know to take insulin and drink water and it will all be okay. The lows are the scary part.

"Severe low blood sugar is sometimes called insulin shock. Untreated, it can be very dangerous, resulting in seizures, loss of consciousness, or death."

I was on the phone with my mom today, and I was telling her about a low blood sugar I'd had this morning. As usual, I woke up and it hit me suddenly and it hit HARD. My husband had already left for work, and I was here with the kids. Once I convinced myself to get up out of bed, and take care of myself, my vision was already bad. By that I mean, my sugar was so low that I was seeing things that were not there. It feels like things are coming at me really fast and then disappearing. So I close my eyes. Somehow I make it down the steps and to the kitchen to get a glass of apple juice, but by then things started to spin. I was getting very confused, and I was forgetting what I needed to do. This has happened before. And that time, I poured myself a glass of Coke and then dropped it and was walking around in circles when my husband came home and was able to help me. But today, I was on my own. I was starting to panic, and when that happens, I shake very hard and sometimes I begin to have a seizure. I knew I could NOT do that since no one was there to help me, and my son would be terrified if he saw me that way. I didn't have control though.

Suddenly, I caught my breath. Something came over me and really seemed to slow down my thinking and help me concentrate on what I needed to do to take care of myself. I grabbed the bottle of apple juice and began to drink it, while I sank down to sit in the floor so that my legs would not give out. I closed my eyes, I drank my juice, and I calmed down. Let me tell you: that was GOD, my friends. I checked my sugar and it was 32. The lowest it has ever been was 29, and I was in a seizure and not responsive for minutes. So, 32 isn't much of an improvement. I should have been dead, especially since there was no one there to help me. I should not have been able to come out of that because I was already so far gone. God kept me safe.

This has happened multiple times through my life, and even when I wasn't a firm believer of God and I wasn't building my faith, or trying to live through Him, I knew He was the one who kept me safe each and every time. He had to be, because nothing else makes sense. There is no reason why I should have came out of that state and been able to take care of myself, other than God led me to do it. He guided me! I can count numerous times that I should not have lived through a low and even a couple of high blood sugar episodes. But praise God, I am still here. He is not finished working on me yet. I am understanding that He has saved me for a reason. Probably because my boys need me, or maybe for a reason I haven't even considered yet. But I am so devoted to improving myself and living for God, because I owe Him my life. I owe Him my service. I owe Him my gratitude. I OWE HIM EVERYTHING. I will never doubt that God is in control and that God wants to keep us safe. We are His children, and as a parent I understand that kind of love. Everyday, I fail Him somehow, but He still loves me and has NOT given up on me yet.

All my love, 
Paige xo




1) Source: http://www.healthline.com/health/low-blood-sugar-effects-on-body