My experience as a SAHM.

I'll start off by saying this: I am SO blessed, you guys. I have only had to spend a few short months of my motherhood going to school and working. My oldest son is 4 and my youngest just turned 1. And I have not missed very much of their lives because I have had to work, and I am very happy to be able to say that. BUT! Let's get real for a minute, mamas. We all know that being a Stay At Home Mom is a job.

It's a full-time, 24-7, no holidays, no breaks, no sick days, up-all-night, abusive, stressful, tiring, and wonderful job. 

Now, before I go on to tell you about some of my "driving the struggle bus" moments, I want to say that working moms are amazing, too. You guys have TWO jobs, and you don't always get to be with your kids as much as you like, and I know you beat yourselves up so badly over it. Please, stop doing that. You should all be proud and know that anyone with any sense doesn't look down on you, but they respect you. I can't tell you how many times I have said, "I HAVE TO GET A JOB! I need to do something! I'm losing it!" And then about an hour or so passes and I realize how selfish and awful I sound because I know there are working moms who wish they could be in my shoes, and that I take so much for granted. Cheers to you, working mommies!! You da bomb!

Okay, now that I've gotten all of my disclaimers out of the way...let's get down to business. Here are my top ten "Precautions of Being A Stay-At-Home-Mom": 

1. Your house will NEVER be clean enough. I'm going to blame this on Pinterest, and all of the silly, UNREALISTIC ideas that they flood our minds with. No, ma'am it's not possible to "Keep your house spotless in 10 minutes a day or less!" Get out of here with that! And stop showing me pictures of your house that you took when your kids were gone to their grandparents for the weekend, because I KNOW you did not do all that with those kids there. These are the chores that I am realistically able to get done daily: dishes and laundry. Wiping, swiping, sweeping, dusting, mopping...none of that will get done and then last long enough to prove that you actually did it. I mean, don't get me wrong, you have to do those things to keep a clean house, but just don't expect it to stay spotless for more than about 2 minutes. This alone is enough to drive a woman mad! And also...you will pick up the SAME mess more times that you will be able to recall within about 4 hours. 
2. You lose the ability to speak. Have you ever gotten tongue tied and mixed up your words or forgotten someones name? That happens to me about 200 times a day. In my house, I have a husband, 2 sons, and a puppy (and a fish but for the purpose of this article, he can be left out). At any point in time, if I get upset at any of them, I start to say ONE of their names and it comes out like this, "Ke...Jac...ugh..Stit...LIAM!!!" It is the most frustrating thing ever when you know who you mean to yell at, but your brain can't catch up. This is a phenomenon caused by motherhood, and it is irreversible. 
3. You WILL be judged. I don't care if you are that mom who gives their kid a bath every night (I don't, I shoot for every other night..ha!) and your kid knows how to multiply by the age of 4 (mine doesn't.) Someone will always be better than you. Yes, even you strict, serious, "perfect" moms...there's still someone out there who is crazier than you. Stop beating yourself up over what they're "supposed" to be doing or the things that they "need" to know before Kindergarten in accordance to Google. It will come. Your hair will be lost, but their education will happen. All in due time, my dear.
4. You will feel lonely. Sure, you are surrounded by chaos and noise, dirt and demands at all times, but when it's coming from a toddler, it doesn't count as communication. We NEED adult time. We need to be talked to in a normal voice. We need to be able to sit down from time to time without having to get up and retrieve an item that is perfectly within their reach. We need to complete a task without someone yelling at us about how "mean" or imperfect we are. We need to be able to have a conversation. Like, a real one. With sentences and stuff. And we need to feel like we are part of the world outside of our mommy job. ARE YOU LISTENING, DADS? 
5. You will not be able to control your emotions. I'm not sure if it is the hormonal imbalance or just the pure, sickening love that you have for your child, but it really screws with your head. At one moment, you are sure that you could absolutely kill your husband (simply for putting the baby's diaper on differently that you do). And then the next you are filled with so much love, joy, and thankfulness that you're not quite sure you'll be able to go on. You will. And this will probably happen for the next 20+ years. 
6. You will learn the words to EVERY Disney song ever made and sing them in public..."M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E!!!" And if you do not learn these words, you will be frowned upon. And some may believe that being banished is a blessing in disguise, but what it really means is watching this "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse" show on repeat for 3 hours. Even after you've learned the song. Not fair. What's worse? You will make up songs to the tune of this beat during your daily routine. "O-M-G Please stop this. N-O-W. Now! that's NOW!" Something along those lines. What's even better is when your husband makes up words to the Disney songs and they are highly inappropriate. Ha! Brilliant. 
7. You will make up curse words to cover up what you really want to say. "Horse-feathers!!" "What the Max and Ruby??" "Why the push-pop did you do that??" I mean, you can really fill in the blank with whatever you want. It never feels as good as saying the real thing. Even though sometimes the real things slip. We're not perfect!! 
8. You will partake in a scavenger hunt every day. I never cease to be amazed by the random items I can uncover throughout the house. Your kids may also decide to mess with your head and hide items and then act like they have NO idea where they are and then scream and cry like they cannot live without this item. That's a real cute game, kid. Touché.   
9. You will depend on your kids. I'm a type 1 diabetic, and I have all kinds of problems. BUT...I have two beautiful, healthy boys to look after every day, even though sometimes I need some help myself. Sure, I hate that Liam needs to know how to dial "911" before the age of five, but that is my life (he's never had to do this though, for the record). The fact that he knows how makes me feel better, in some way. But it also makes me proud to know that when I say "Mama's sugar is low.." he knows to go and get the chocolate milk or juice. He understands how to help me. I hope that compassion stays with both of them forever, even when they don't have to worry about helping their mother anymore. But that is just my example. Some moms need their kids to help them pick up because they have pains and can't always do everything they need to. Some moms have to work overnight, and can't always remember to throw an ice container in the lunch box to keep the yogurt cold. Some moms have husbands halfway around the world and just need their kids to cuddle and love them at bed time, before they turn out the lights. We need them, even if its just for something simple or for something major, we need them. 
10. You will never have any greater responsibility. You're allowed to mess up. You're allowed to yell and get frustrated. You're allowed to lose it on this job. You're not allowed to ever un-love your children. It honestly cannot happen. I've seen parents go through absolute hell with their kids and come out loving them with every fiber of their being in the end. A parent's love is like God's love: unconditional. So, sure...you had a child that was unexpected, or you had a child who is defiant, or you had a child who has a mental issue, or who cannot hear, or a child who cannot walk...it doesn't matter. You had a child. And they are yours and you are theirs. You are all they need, want, and know from the very beginning. Take pride in that, because you will never be loved like that again as long as you live. But they will grow older, and they will not always be your baby. You are who they will model their lives by in the future. Ultimately, we are sculpting everything we complain about. So we need to choose our words wisely and our actions even wiser. Because even when we don't realize it, our kids are watching and listening to us, and we need to be sure that what they're taking in is positive.

All my love,

Paige xo

It's Not Too Late. 9/11*

Well, today is the 14th Anniversary of a day that I know none of us can ever forget. It was absolutely a horrible, sad, sickening day all across, not only America, but also the whole world. Fear hit hard that day, and we were all absolutely shocked. I hate this day so badly for the families who are still grieving for their lost loved ones and for the responders and the victims who are still trying to recover and stay alive. I hope they can feel all of the prayers that I know many of us are sending up for them, especially today. 

I do not want to recount all of my bad memories I have from 9/11. From watching the news in my 7^th grade Spanish classroom to the moment my mom came to pick me up from school so she could explain to me herself exactly what was happening, and so I wouldn’t have to be scared…

I want to look back on that day and I want to tell you that I woke up that morning, and it was a beautiful day. It always seems like September 11th is a wonderful day for weather. It’s just starting to get a little chill in the air, and the sky is always so clear. I’m sure I was dreading school and being short and snappy, because I was always a brat in the mornings. I don’t remember all the moments leading up to hearing the news, but I know that in my classroom there were at least a handful of people that I didn’t get along with and they certainly didn’t like me either. I remember when our teacher told us what’s happening and turned the TV on CNN, every bit of hate or meaningless drama or bullying completely left that room. It seriously evaporated, it was kind of eery. We all sat there in silence, and when the bell rang to go to the next class, we all stood shoulder to shoulder and we couldn’t have cared less if we were touching someone we didn’t like. We glanced up at those people we'd had issues with all year, and we gave them a smile. I don’t think that the true gravity of it all had hit us, but we knew this was something we needed to stand together for. Once I got home and watched the news with my mom and sister, I remember seeing all the outpouring love from the people in New York, around the ruble, covered in ashes just clinging to each other. Skin color meant nothing on that day. Religious views meant nothing on that day. Political affiliations meant nothing on that day. Sexual orientation meant nothing on that day. We were America and we were standing together. Out of something so tragic and horrific came a huge outpouring of love, understanding, and unity. Our neighbors, families, friends, coworkers, police officers, firemen, doctors, nurses, servicemen/women, and teachers...they meant everything to us that day.

"If we learn nothing else from this tragedy, we learn that life is short and there is no time for hate." -Sandy Dahl, wife of Flight 93 pilot, Jason Dahl

Look at us today, 14 years later, compared to how we were then. Are we really doing these victims and their families any justice by tearing each other apart? Why are we so busy with attacking each other, and forgetting to stand together as a nation EVERY DAY? Not just on 9/11, but every single day. We could be so much further ahead than we are now if we would have kept that love and unity going strong from 2001 until now. But it’s not too late! It’s never too late to start over again and throw the hate away and let the whole nation be overcome with love, unity, and pride all over again. That’s my prayer today. That we can all find the good sense, and the forgiveness in our hearts to move forward, come together, and stand as one for all of those 2,977 people who can no longer stand here with us. It’s not too late.

  

All my love,

Paige xo

Rape Is An Occupational Hazard?

I watched a documentary film called "The Invisible War" tonight. What brought me to watch such a film isn't really important here. But as the film began, and as I heard the basic opening statements, I thought, "This is wrong, no doubt! Horrible. But, these women are walking into a male-dominated environment that has a history of female abuse. I just can't believe that they would subject themselves to sexual assault if they are scared of it happening." Please, stay with me. I realize how wrong ignorant I am in thinking this, but these were just the first honest things that crossed my mind within the first 5 minutes of watching the documentary. I said these words out loud to my husband who mostly had a similar thought pattern. Again, stay with me, don't judge me. It's all about to take a major turn...

I do NOT have any extremely "close" military ties nor do I have any family history to speak of. What ties I do have are males. I respect them, I do not think badly of any of them AT ALL. I have respect for any serviceman or woman, unless I know for a fact that I should think otherwise about them.

This blog was never meant to be about political issues nor to discuss any gossip or tabloid topics. That's not what I want to do on a weekly basis, there's enough of that out there as it is. But after watching this film about female (and, surprisingly a huge percentage of male) sexual abuse and rape in the military, I could not stop myself from writing about it. It's that powerful, guys. The stories and the consequences that these victims have had to go through is completely undeserving, unjust, unfair, and also mostly, unpunished. These women and men love their country and its people so much that they want to sign up to risk their lives for it. For us. When something bad happens to them, we need to give them our best to help no matter the cost. The timeless quote goes, "God, country, family..." This is the order in which most of these wonderful people place their dedication and priority. Thank GOD we have people like this, or at this point, America would be wiped off the map. Do you understand what I am saying here? I appreciate them SO much, and I'll never say that I don't.

HOWEVER... 

After seeing these numerous accounts of rape, violence, threats, and assault upon women and men who are serving in all branches of the military, I am seriously disgusted and disturbed. How can we ask anyone to risk their lives for us if we can't promise that we will provide a just system and appropriate personnel to look after them while they are preparing to go into a war zone? We can't do that. IT IS NOT RIGHT. Now, let me address my initial thoughts, since I've already strayed so far away from them: I had no idea that within the military, commanding officers are given the power to decide on whether or not to take further action when a rape or sexual crime (or any other issue) is reported (1). Also, most of the rapists in these cases ARE the commanding officers or higher ranking personnel (2). So, naturally they aren't going to nail themselves to a cross and admit to any wrong doing. They're going to pull their rank and threaten these victims with being beaten, mistreated, embarrassed, reduced in rank, or dishonorably discharged (3). So, 25% of rape cases in the military go unreported until the victims are no longer active (4). Also, there were TWO women on this film who were charged with adultery for claiming a commanding officer (who was married) raped them, even though neither of these women were married at the time. Absolutely insane. These victims have PTSD from their rape, not from battle. They are not taken seriously by Veterans Affairs because the issue was never properly reported to begin with. Either due to the victim being terrified to speak up or because of evidence or proof being "lost" or "misplaced". 

I've been upset about the way veterans are treated in this country for a while anyway. But this type of problem (or epidemic as the film calls it) is completely unacceptable. These people are committing suicide or trying to, anyway because no one will help them. These men and women are made to feel like it was their fault or that they are weak or cowardice. When in reality, its the rapist who fits that bill.

"A Navy study found that 15% of incoming recruits attempted or committed rape before entering the military. Which is twice the percentage of the equivalent civilian population." (5)   

Professionals on this film claim that the military CAN BE a potential hunting ground for "serial" rapists to exercise their problematic behavior. Because there is no legal system in place for these servicemen and women, any commanding officer can sweep a report under the rug, or make it seem that the crime was never actually committed. They are "in charge of appointing the prosecution, defense, investigator, they appoint the police force, and they are the judge. They own everything." (6) How terrifying is that? Can you imagine going into a workplace where you know that rape or sexual assault is a very high possibility, and then not being able to do anything about it? Would that not discourage you from entering that workplace? I know that I would definitely steer clear of it! As citizens we have the power to go to the police and report these crimes, hire a lawyer, file a lawsuit...whatever we need to do. These armed forces victims do not.  If I knew that anyone, a manager, owner, or trainer had THAT much power over me, I would not want any part of that career. Can you imagine if this is how restaurant workplaces, news casting stations, or teaching and educational positions were handled? There would be an uproar, as there usually is when any type of rape story hits the news or social media. Why don't we care as much about these people? Is this what we want when we are needing recruits to sign up to serve our country? Do we want men and women to feel scared or discouraged to serve a country that they clearly love just because we don't have the correct resources in place (or backbone) to keep them from being assaulted? Sure, there will be plenty of people who don't see this film or who don't understand (just as I didn't) how the hierarchy can be used against you in the armed forces when they sign up. I pray they never have to know this type of treatment or harassment because they deserve SO much better. 

(If you are interested in learning more, I'm listing sources for this information below. All quotes or stats came from the film or their website.)

We are better than this, America. I know that it seems like the world is going down the drain, and in a lot of ways, it is. But we can honestly do much better than this. How is it fair to prosecute a normal citizen and give him/her jail time for the same crimes that officers in the armed forces are committing, and then walking away without even a warning? At the end of this film at least 2 of the offenders were awarded promotions or medals during or after the time of these reported assaults. This isn't right. You do not get to do as you please and rise above the law just because you wear a badge and have served our country well. There are rules of conduct, you know? No one is above the law. Let's just keep that in mind. 

I don't know about you, but I'm taking this time to pray for those who have been affected by this problem in our armed forces. Just because they may have been let go from their duties which they signed up for, doesn't mean that they haven't given their all. I pray that they turn to God with their struggles and that they can find peace with Him. I pray that these issues will not haunt them for the rest of their days and that they can still hold their heads high knowing that they signed up to help our country and to be respected. The consequences of others actions cannot be placed on them (the victims). I know this was a long post, and I appreciate anyone who has read this far with me and who will eventually go on to watch the film. I think it's something we all need to see.

**Here's a few links that I thought may lift spirits or help those who have experienced this tragedy:

"It Is Well With My Soul"

"Praise You In This Storm"

"Man Of Sorrows" 

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

All my love (and respect),

Paige xo    

Sources 1-6  (and many used within textual reference) -http://www.notinvisible.org
This is a great one to learn more and get involved -http://www.protectourdefenders.com
Help Veterans however you can! - http://www.dav.org/help-dav/volunteer/volunteer-locally-help-the-va/

Fruit-Flies. My arch nemesis.

I don't know about you guys, but in my house, I have a lot of fruit. I mean, it's summer time and the fruit is abundant! Yummy, juicy, delicious FRUIT!! Ah, I just eat it up I love it so. Okay, so I said all of that to say this: You know what comes with all that glorious fruit in your house? Fruit flies. Aka the scum of the earth. The dirtiest of beings. The smallest, biggest problem in my home throughout the summer months. Just, ew! Fruit flies are highly frowned upon in this establishment. I really don't understand their purpose at all, but I'm not gonna start asking God silly things like that...I'm just gonna lead them to temptation, and then their demise.

I've seen a few suggestions on ways to attract and ultimately murder fruit flies. All of them are pretty simple, so one day I got so fed up with the little demons that I thought, "Tis time! Let the scheming  begin!" I was dead serious, too. I think I used a British accent in my mind (and possibly out loud as well.) My plan was to try 3 different methods and see which one worked best. And since I had a small colony of the little buggers, I thought I might as well give it my all in an attempt to wipe out the whole population. Muahaha!!

The three methods that I chose to use are as follows:

Phone photography is terrible. Breaking out the Nikon ASAP.

1. The "beer and plastic wrap" method. For this experiment, you take a small container fill it about half way full with a fruity-ish beer and then add a bit of dish soap and swirl it around. Cover the container tightly with plastic wrap and then take a toothpick and poke a couple of holes in it, just big enough so that the tiny vermin can get in and get trapped! Apparently, these things are incredibly dense, and they can find their way into this mixture but they can't find their way out. Works for me! 
2. The "white wine vinegar and dish soap" method. This is pretty much the same as the beer method, just with vinegar. According to Google, fruit flies are attracted to fermented fruits (or fruits that are in the process of being over-ripe.) So beer and vinegar (even wine) are good liquids to use for fruit fly booby traps, because fermentation. You follow the same process as the first method: fill it a little over half full, add some dish soap, and a splash of water, and then cover it with plastic wrap and poke holes. Little dummies, I can't believe they can't figure their way out of this. 
3. The "non-stick spray and a paper plate" method. This one seemed odd, and I didn't have very much confidence in it, but for kicks and giggles, I tried it. So, what you do is take a paper plate and spray it with non-stick oven spray. You go over to the landing zone of the flies and get them all stirred up and flying around. Then, when they least expect it, you take the plate with the spray and start waving it in the area. The flies stick and they can't fly away. Boom! I did this one as I was moving the fruit around in my container that sits on my counter, and I actually landed a few hits! I assured myself that the survivors would be lured in by my other two methods, so I let them escape. 

At the end of the day, the winner is...White Wine Vinegar. There was seriously no comparison! The beer mix had 2 flies in it, though so it wasn't a complete failure. But the vinegar mix had TEN flies in it. TEN!!! I did a fantastic happy dance. I tried to whip, and hurt my nae nae. I'm so glad that I know what to do at the first sign of these critters from now on! All hail vinegar!! ;-) 

Oh, I also left the two containers out over night after I took this photo, and the next day the total count was Beer: 5 Vinegar:14!!!!! I'd love to know any tricks you guys have tried too!! 

All my love, 

Paige xo

Fed Up Challenge! Day 2.

I...have a confession. I messed up! But I can explain! I woke up at 4:00am today because my new puppy had made a (very smelly, disgusting) mess in his crate. So I had to get him out, clean the crate and then clean the dog. All before the sun came up! >.<

So, my husband always makes a pot of coffee before he leaves for work at 5am. I lost my mind, you guys! I just totally blacked out. I'm gonna blame it on lack of sleep. But this happened...

Whoops!!! ;-)

Okay, so I clearly came to my senses before I drank the whole cup, because I took this picture. But that didn't stop me, it was already too late to go back. It's like placing a bottle of Jack in front of an alcoholic. I had zero control! But anyway, here's how the rest of the day went...

Breakfast:

Spinach, feta, mushroom omelette

1 small apple

(and obviously my boo-boo, coffee. Sorry, not sorry.)

Snack:

Cottage cheese 

4 sliced strawberries

Lunch:

Sandwich made with: 

Ezekiel bread, Boar's Head Smoked Turkey, lettuce, spicy mustard and tomato

1 sliced red bell pepper

Handful of grapes

Dinner:

Pan seared scallops

Roasted summer squash

Roasted asparagus with shaved parmesan 

Handful of blueberries for a sweet treat

• Side note: if and when you make scallops, here's a few tips: fill the skillet with olive oil and get your skillet pretty dang hot (medium high heat until the oil barely starts to smoke). Wait to make the scallops until the very last minute, because that's seriously all the time it takes! You pat them dry, season them with salt and pepper and a little garlic powder on one side, then place them in the pan. Watch the clock for 1.5 minutes, flip them to the other side for 1.5 minutes and get those babies out of there. Voila! 

Oh, my. Delicious you guys!! 

The kids were kind of off and on today. I'm almost totally out of fruit, so I'm going to be making a second trip to the store probably tomorrow! But I did what I was supposed to do...mostly! And today, there were no headaches. But I did feel good and I had more energy than usual, which was unexpected since I woke up so early! I'm really liking this so far! :-)

All my love,

Paige xo

Fed Up Challenge! Day 1

Well, I woke up this morning already dreading this for one reason only: I knew I couldn't have my coffee with Splenda and Italian Creme creamer. So that just had me in a bad mood anyway! However, after I put my big girl panties on, I looked in the fridge to decide what I wanted to make for breakfast. I've been on a low carb diet (not very strict) for a long time, so when I opened the fridge and saw that it was full of fruit, I thought seriously about eating every single bit of it until it was all gone! That's the bad thing about low carb, you can't eat fruit. So, I've missed it. A LOT. Eventually I stopped drooling and went to work on the meal:

Breakfast

Scrambled eggs with avocado and homemade salsa 
1 slice of Ezekiel bread
A handful of blackberries (one of my favorites!)
3-4 sliced strawberries

• My kids will eat all of these things as well, so this one was a big win for me. However, Ezekiel bread is found in the freezer section of your stores so once it's thawed out the texture is very different from regular sliced bread; it isn't very soft. It seems better if you warm it in the microwave for a few seconds! Maybe that was all in my mind? I'll never know. But, like I said I've been doing low carb for so long that I was happy to eat a slice of bread, regardless of the texture! And fruit...Amen. 

Snack

Handful of almonds 
Handful of grapes
2-3 cubes of cheese 

• The kids (especially my 4 year old) snack ALL day long. My plan was to just offer them cheese or fruit when snack time rolled around but as the day went by, I realized that I would be out of fruit before the day ended if I did that. So, I caved for them and gave them yogurt (stop judging me) and some crackers with almond butter. I am bound and determined to stick to this, so my snack that I listed above, was different.

Lunch 

White bean, garlic tapenade hummus
2 celery stalks 
Handful of baby carrots
1/2 sliced cucumber 

• I wasn't really all that hungry at lunch time, so I just went with more of an appetizer approach with the hummus dip and veggies. It was still good though! No complaints. My 1 year old had a smashed sweet potato and my 4 year old had a grilled cheese with sharp cheddar that I grated and Ezekiel bread with some grapes. The bread is still an adjustment for him! 

Dinner  

Baked chicken breasts (marinated in Olive oil and spicy brown mustard, salt & pepper)
Sautéed veggies (zucchini, squash, cauliflower, carrots) with Italian seasoning
Brown rice with Olive oil, garlic powder, and chopped sautéed onion

• I totally forgot to add brown rice to the grocery list post that I made yesterday! But that is allowed in small portions. This meal was REALLY good. Both my kids like rice, and my youngest loved the veggies. But again, my oldest insisted upon eating something else: Annie's Alfredo and Pasta (this has about 4g of sugar for a cup of cooked pasta and sauce, so it's not TERRIBLE.) But he's definitely going to be the one that I'm going to have to ease into this change more so than anyone else. At least he didn't eat pizza or chicken nuggets, I suppose. And when he asked for dessert, he was completely satisfied to have strawberries! Yay! 

Overall, I was happy with how the day went. I didn't get off track at all, and I'm really the one who is focused on seeing how this whole "diet" makes me feel. So I'm the test subject, and as long as I stay the course, it'll all be okay! I'll say that I have had a headache today. I think this is just from skipping the coffee that I usually drink in the morning. If I don't drink it at home, I go order an iced coffee from Starbucks. So this was the first full day I've had in a while without coffee/Splenda/creamer. I'm just going to chalk it up to that! If I get really desperate, I may try drinking my coffee black tomorrow, but we will just have to see! I will add that it's nice to go an entire day and know that you've eaten nothing but fresh, whole foods and that your kids have (mostly) done the same. So if for no other reason than that, I'm happy with today!! Also, I'll try to remember to take pictures of the food we eat on Day 2, sorry! ;)

All my love,
Paige xo

Fed Up Challenge! Shopping list.

I watched a documentary on Netflix not long ago called Fed Up. This film discusses the issue of childhood obesity and its causes. Namely processed foods and SUGAR. I watch plenty of documentaries on Netflix. My queue is full of them, and everyone thinks I am super weird. But let me say, if you only watch one documentary in your life, watch this one. Especially those of you who have kids! I thought that I was really doing things right, and buying good foods for my kids, making better choices than just chips and candy, and that I was a step ahead of the game. Nope.

Apparently there is so much sugar in ALL of the foods we generally buy that you wouldn't really even think about. Like bread, for instance. I think of carbs, yes. But not added sugar! I let my kids eat oatmeal quite a bit for breakfast..loaded with sugar! And wow, salad dressings and condiments are probably the most mind boggling. You know how everyone got obsessed with "Low fat/Low calorie" foods? Well, guess what they added to those things when they took out the fat? SUGAR. So, in reality these products are worse for you than full fat options because of the way our bodies process them. Oh! Milk also has about 6g of sugar per 8oz! And, this probably goes without saying, but soda is a HUGE no-no. Even (and almost especially) the diet ones. This film discourages any artificial sugars. Say goodbye to Splenda, and the like! Wahhhhh! How will I live without my coffee, sweetener, and creamer?!?

Apparently we are only supposed to consume 4g of sugar a day to be healthy! This is starting to get tricky, right? At the end of the film they encourage you to take the Fed Up Challenge, which means no processed foods, added sugars, or fast food. It's a 10 day clean-eating challenge, and basically you can only eat vegetables, very few whole grains, fruit, nuts, and lean meats and proteins. All of these need to be organic and with no added sugar or flavors. And you can only drink water. Seems okay. Until you get to the store and start to check labels!! Nuts can have added sugar, deli meat has added sugar, peanut butter has added sugar...forget about yogurt, cereal, oatmeal, and most bread. After reading A LOT of labels and spending about an hour and a half in the grocery store, this is the list that I came up with for good/acceptable foods:

Produce:
Apples
Watermelon
Cantaloupe
Strawberries
Blackberries
Blueberries
Grapes
Lemon
Spinach
Salad mix
Avocado
Broccoli
Cauliflower
Peppers
Cucumbers
Celery
Zucchini
Squash
Bag of baby carrots (for dipping)
(Basically, almost anything in this category goes)

Meats:
Salmon
Scallops
Shrimp
Chicken breasts
Chicken tenders
Ground turkey and chicken
 LEAN, SUGAR FREE deli meat (Boar's Head seemed to be the best)

Dairy:
Cottage cheese
Eggs (lots of eggs)
Most cheeses are fine. I went with fresh mozzarella because I can generally eat it on anything.
Block of Monterrey jack (to cut up for snack)
Hummus (check labels!!) or make your own!

Miscellaneous:
Dry roasted all natural almonds
Olive oil/Vinegar (to make your own dressing, add lemon if you like)
Seeds
Ezekiel Bread 4:9 (they also have a few pasta and wrap options if you need those!)
Bags of frozen veggies (for quick dinner sides)


This was just my list that I used on my shopping trip. I'm sure if you put more time and effort into it, there are plenty more options! So, here goes nothing!! Next post will be about my Day 1 meals and how I'm feeling after cutting out the sugars and processed things. I'm excited! Let me know if you're following the challenge along with me!!

All my love,
Paige xo

Oops!! What to do when you over-salt your food.

Today, I decided to make a side dish that I have made 100 or more times before: mashed cauliflower. It's like mashed potatoes but minus the carbs! It's also delicious, generally...unless you salt the ever-loving daylights out of it! Which I did this time. Oops!!

I made salmon, mashed cauliflower, and fried zucchini and squash. Everything was great, other than the cauliflower! I killed it. Not in a good way.

All the pepper in the world wasn't gonna help me this time.

Somehow, my family managed to take a couple of bites of each of our helpings at dinner, but mostly, we didn't like it! However, my one-year-old loves to eat this stuff, so I made enough to last for a day or two. I didn't want to waste an entire head of cauliflower! So, I separated helpings into different bowls and decided to add different things to take the salty taste away. I had no time to go to the grocery store, so I had to turn to what I already had in my cabinets. Which was: NOT MUCH.

My first thought was to add more sour cream. I did that, and it didn't do much! Almost made it worse. So I got creative.

• To one bowl I added, brace yourselves, baby food. The exact flavor was sweet potato. It was simple! I just opened a jar of plain baby food and mixed it in. 
• To another bowl I added a microwavable bag of plain brown rice. This defeated the whole "low carb" purpose of mashed cauliflower, but I went with it. 
• To the last bowl, I added avocado. I know, the color is gonna be weird, but bear with me. 

The common factor among all of these added ingredients is this: they don't have much individual flavor! They need salt, or garlic powder, or any other type of seasoning. They all actually worked out. My personal favorite was the avocado. But if you are not worried about carbs at all, the rice was a great option! Baby food was fine as well, but, you know...it's baby food. The baby food was actually my sons least favorite as well. He liked the avocado (one of his favorite foods!) So he clearly has a very sophisticated palate. Ha! ;)  

These additions are just what I had on hand, readily available in my pantry, so that's what I used. The key (in my opinion) is to just find the most bland food that you have, and mix it. Sometimes in soups, the suggestion is to add cream. In a soup that is fine because the texture is already pretty much a liquid. But in something like mashed cauliflower, I had to think a bit because I definitely did NOT want it to be runny...Ew! So these are the options that I came up with in a pinch! Hope these help! 

All my love,

Paige xo

Better Snacking - for Kids.

I don't know about you and your family, but mine LOVES to snack. My four-year-old will ask for something to snack on about every hour or hour and a half. It's nuts! But here's the catch: He is so picky! I kid you not, this child would eat macaroni and cheese for every meal (including breakfast) if I would let him. And he has a serious sweet tooth. Do you see where I'm going, mommies? FRUSTRATING.

Exhibit A: Eating brownie batter. 

Now, my one-year-old will eat anything placed in front of him. And that includes the cat food, inanimate objects, and chalk. So, I am very blessed that in his case, I don't have to fix specific foods or cater to him the way that I do with my older son, because he eats whatever we eat. Phew!

Exhibit B: Eating chalk.

I got lazy for a time. I was letting my older son eat junk and have pretty much whatever he wanted! After a less-than-perfect dental visit, I decided to get serious and cut back majorly on sugar and on the processed junk he was eating. I got on Pinterest (surprise, surprise) and looked up healthy recipes. Some worked, some failed! Maybe I'll do a post on some of the successful recipes later. But this is about snacks! A lot of the organic, healthy snacks I have tried with my son have been a colossal waste of money. i.e. Whole wheat waffles - yeah right! But I took a picture of my tried and true snack favorites and I'll give a few tips on how and when I use them as well.

I'll start with the most important one (to my son): Annie's Mac & Cheese

• I love Annie's because of the ingredients they use AND because of all the different options they have with snack foods and quick meals. They have vegan, grass fed, organic, and a million different types of cheese flavors and added flavors. So it's easy to change things up. I usually buy the box with 6 individual packets to microwave, because my son WILL NOT eat reheated mac & cheese. He loves them, I love them, and there are no processed ingredients at all. Score!

Next up, Stonyfield yoKids Yogurt

• These things taste SO good. I eat them sometimes (shh, don't tell the kids!) They're a bit pricey, but when you can go on their website and view the source where they got the fruit, I'm in. Again, they have a ton of different flavors and different sorts of packaging (squeeze, "go-gurt", and cups). We also like to throw one in the freezer overnight and then the next day he has it as a popsicle! They have a yoBaby version as well, and my one-year-old loves them. 

Horizon Snack Grahams

• This is one of those "treats" that I have tried many times to find healthy versions, and have failed. Finally, I found these Horizon "snack grahams" aka Teddy Grahams. They have a great chocolate flavor, they don't really taste healthy, but again, the ingredients are great! These particular snacks are made with organic wheat and natural cocoa powder. They are part of an organization which prohibits GMOs, so you never have to worry about that either. I'll give him a few of these after dinner or lunch if he eats all of his meal. 

Fairlife Whole Milk

• I cannot say enough good things about this product! I love it so much. It's relatively new to stores, but now that I've tried it, I'll never buy anything else, even though it is costly. It's "ultra filtered" milk. So their concept was to create a filter that separated the ingredients of all-natural, straight from the cow milk. Those things are: lactose, protein, fat, vitamins & minerals, and water. With this method, they can add or take away whatever they like. So, they take out the lactose and add more protein and vitamins! That way, you're still drinking whole organic milk, but don't have to worry about lactose intolerance and you're getting double the protein of soy or regular milk. Plus, it tastes SO good. And I don't even like milk. I poured my husband a glass of it one morning and he came back to me and said, "What kind of milk is that? It's awesome whatever it is." So, need I say more?  

Silk Chocolate Soy Milk

• I felt like I should place this after the Fairlife milk because this is one of those things that I only give my son once every now and then, whereas he can drink the regular milk daily. I like that it's "plant based" protein, but that's really all that stands out about it other than the taste, it is delicious. It's nice for a treat! However, now that we have tried (and fallen in love with) Fairlife, we will probably buy their chocolate milk version from now on. 

Justin's Almond Butter

• I have a confession...I probably added this to the list because I love it so much, and I eat it regularly. But, I add it to my sons smoothies and oatmeal, and he loves it too, he just doesn't really know it! This stuff is definitely expensive ($11.25 per jar) but there are only four ALL NATURAL ingredients: Almonds, maple sugar, palm fruit oil, and sea salt. Wonderful! Now, most peanut butter doesn't have a ton of ingredients, but the key here is that Justin's ingredients are all natural-organic. 

Greek Gods Honey-Vanilla Yogurt

• This stuff has been GREAT! And the biggest reason why I bought it was because my son loves to eat cereal (yuck!) But as you know, cereal doesn't really fill you up. So he would eat a bowl, then 30 minutes later he was starving. I decided to try this: a parfait with cereal. I layer the yogurt and a bit of cereal, then yogurt, then cereal and give it to him with a spoon. It's way more filling and the yogurt has some good components as well. Granted, this is a sugary meal, but I figure it's better to give it to him this way than for him to be eating 3 bowls of cereal a day and still feel hungry.
• I also want to add Stoneyfield Organic French Vanilla yogurt.  This one has a few less carbs and sugar, so I try to use it when I feel like my son has had a little too much of the Greek Gods yogurt. 

Quest Bars

• These are a new thing I am trying. And so far, I really like them. I started eating them because of their low net carb value, but then I researched the ingredients and saw that it's actually a really good set up. I don't give my son a whole bar, ever. While most of the ingredients are wonderful, it's still an artificial sugar. But, when he is dying for some candy or for a cookie or ice cream, I break him off one of these and it tends to satisfy him. I buy the cookie dough, cookies and creme, and s'mores usually. They're all really tasty! And its better than M&Ms or a Snickers. So, WINNING. 

GoGo squeeZ

• I saved this one for last, because this company has been getting a bit of bad press lately. I'd like to say that I have never had any issues with this product, my kids love it, it has never made them sick. But apparently they have had to do some recalls in the past due to some customers finding mold in their packages. Most people look at this as awful and disgusting, I look at it as unfortunate, but also a good thing because it proves there are no insane chemical preservatives in the applesauce, so it does what food naturally does, it molds. Your responsibility (and really, the responsibility of the stores you are purchasing from) is to check expiration dates! 
• Now that we got that out of the way, these things are so convenient! They also have plenty of different flavors, they are all natural, and they taste great. This is another thing that I like to give my son for a sweet treat. I pack them on road trips, to the pool, and doctor visits. 

My little chef. Who doesn't actually like many foods. 

So, there you have it! These are my staples to keep on hand at all times for my picky 4 year old little monster! We also add plenty of cheese, nuts, and whole fruits, some meats (and when he will have it, veggies too). I'd love to hear your favorites or opinions on any of these products, too!

All my love,

Paige xo

Jax. On Your First Birthday!

Oh, my goodness, my little red-headed angel. How has a WHOLE year already come and gone?? How did that even happen?? I know that is something that all parents say when their kids come along, and they inevitably speed up how quickly time passes. But, I honestly can't believe we are already on your first birthday. I hope that your first year was very special and that you felt all of the love that your mommy and daddy have for you! You are a sweet, funny, loud, squishy little baby...and I think you are perfect.

I love that you sing and jabber every morning when you wake up. Occasionally, you scream. But mostly you sing!

I love to tickle you with my eyelashes, or blow on you and make you laugh. You and Brother have the most precious laughs in the world.

I love that you will eat anything and everything I make for you. Even though it does sometimes get difficult that you sit in the floor and scream at me while I make dinner. I appreciate that you like my cooking! 

I love your sweet, chubby cheeks. I know you've worked hard to keep those cute things plump so mommy can steal all of your kisses! Thank you. 

I love your precious, tiny hands and how they are always grabbing for anything you find interesting. Stay curious, little one. 

I love that you call everything Dada. I mean, it would be lovely if you could say Mama every once in a while. But the way you say Dada is so adorable I can't even be mad. 

I love your scent. Your baby skin is the most amazing smell. Thank you for always letting mommy kiss under your chin, my favorite spot! 

I love the way you love your brother. You'd follow him anywhere, and you prefer that he is the one who helps you learn to walk around. He is also, apparently much better at peek-a-boo than anyone else! He will protect you, and he loves you very much. I hope you always stay close. 

I LOVE you and your brother more than life. I know that sometimes mommy loses my mind and I know that I am not always perfect. But I hope that I've given you everything that you need and especially deserve! You're making time move so fast, but I promise to try to slow everything down more this year and really, really take it all in. I hope you have a wonderful birthday, sweet baby! Can't wait to let you dig into that cake, because we all know that'll be your favorite part anyway. You're such a blessing from God and I thank Him every day for you. 

Sweet as can be, baby of mine...

Jesus is for the weak.

Jesus is for the weak. I know this is a saying or phrase that has been thrown out there a million times. And I contemplated even writing about it, because it just seems "overdone". But this is one of my favorite ways to look at Jesus. I love to see him as someone who lived his life to "serve" the weak, and to be there for them. And now, most of the time, it's the weak who come to serve him. Biblically, we know this is true as well. Look at all of his disciples that he chose to travel with him and to spread the word of God. None of them were perfect and most of them were wicked at some point in their lives. Matthew was a tax collector, who was looked down on at the time, and seen as a cruel person. Mary was looked at as a prostitute. Paul was admittedly against the teachings of Jesus, and eventually went on to write 14 of the 27 books in the New Testament. Peter, even after seeing all of the miracles of Jesus and following Jesus through many trials, denied him three times when it mattered most. And the list goes on and on.

Jesus thrives on the weak. And that is not to make him seem like he wants us to be weak or to be powerless in order to seek him or for him to use us, but that he is there for even those of us who are not deserving or who do not believe. He loves to build us up and fill our hearts. All of this sounds so poetic and I know we have all heard it time and time again. So, I want to try a different approach...

I have struggled for a long time with many faults that I felt separated me from God. It sometimes turned me away from Him because I didn't even think I stood a chance! I heard someone say once, "Stop remembering what God has forgotten" and I loved it. What I took from this was that if you have done bad things (which I think we all have) then ask forgiveness and move on! Stop dwelling on your issues. This is easier said than done, I know.

God is there to listen to our problems, and then forgive us and guide us. If we let Him! I feel as though the "weak" have a fast link to God. Let me explain...
Devout Christians pray all the time and they know their place and they know how to live their lives. They have studied, and they have learned. They pray and talk to God a lot. But, the weak or the non-believers, they talk to God when they MEAN IT. Whether it happens at 3:00am or in the middle of a custody trial, or in an AA meeting. When they decide to talk to God, they mean it. They are desperate, and they need a miracle, and they start to look to the only one who can provide that. Maybe He will, maybe He won't. But when they turn to God, they desperately need Him. Now, that's not to say that they can't backslide and fall off track. But when someone who doesn't traditionally make God part of their daily lives prays, they do it seriously. God hears all of our prayers. Not just the ones coming from devout Christians, but also from those who struggle with faith or belief. God is there!

A lot of people struggle with their families to be accepted. They don't fit in, or they are constantly feeling judged. They make mistakes, and their families bring them up over an over again. God doesn't do that. God knows how to drop it! God loves you no matter what. God gives us so many chances. You are forgiven, you can start over, and He loves you. That's all you need to know sometimes. Sometimes, that makes all the difference. It makes life easier knowing that someone is there for you, and someone is listening to you, and someone cares. God sent His only son to die on this earth for our sins. God and Jesus have made the sacrifice so we can have forgiveness. Take advantage of the best gift you will ever receive. Don't dwell in the past, move on. "Stop remembering what God has already forgotten".

All my love,
Paige xo

You Make Me Proud; For My Little Sister.

Having a little sister is a funny thing. Growing up, you always make her be the student so you can be the teacher and boss her around when you're playing classroom. You also always give her an F on her pretend essay so you can give her a lecture. She loves it, because you're playing with her. She generally doesn't put up a fight when you take the lead playing detective agents, and you make her be the side kick. Or when you get to be the "prettiest" Barbie. She's just happy you're playing.

You grow a bit, and you just want her to leave you alone and let you talk to your friends on the phone in private, so you can discuss boys for hours on end and other things that don't really mean much in life. Looking back, though you realize that she made you stronger because you were allowed to pick on her, but NO ONE else was. She helped you grow a backbone.

You used your sister to practice different make up applications, not even thinking that one day, she will be teaching you. You trusted her with all your secrets that you couldn't tell your parents. And she kept them, and you knew you'd owe her big time. You got mad when she wanted to wear your clothes, but you were allowed to borrow anything of hers at any point in time. Sometimes it's so unfair to be the little sister.

Then you get older, and you want to be around your little sister all the time. She takes you back to when you were her age, no matter how small the age gap may be. She makes you think back to who you were before you grew an extra 3 years older, before you made the mistakes you'd made in that time span, and before you came to realize what is meaningful in your life. She's SO much cooler than you were at her age, and she's SO much more confident that you were, too. She. Is. Hilarious! You will never laugh harder or longer than you do with your grown up little sister. You see her with your kids and it completely undoes your heart. You see her through your sons eyes, and you've never been so appreciative.

             

You begin to look up to your younger sister. At least, that's what I did. You see her take on the same challenges and hardships that you faced as well, but she does it with so much more grace and she creates a different, better outcome than you did. She chooses a career and sticks with it, and becomes very successful with it, too. She takes her time, she isn't rushing into anything. She is level headed. She is smart. In my eyes, she is perfect. She has stuck by me even when I didn't deserve for anyone to be there. She's given me great advice. Where does that come from?

She is gorgeous. And I don't just mean that she is pretty, but that she is beautiful deep down to her soul. She makes me better. And when I'm with her, even though it's rare now, I feel home. Because "distance means so little, when someone means so much." I'm so PROUD of you, Hannah. And I cannot wait to see what you continue to do with your life. Happy birthday sweet Sissy!! I'll see you when I see you, and I hope it's real soon!

 

He Keeps Me Safe.

I'm not sure how many people know this, but I am a type I diabetic. And I have been for about 14 years. I have always struggled with the disease and I have always hated it. I'd rather sweep it under the rug than tell people that I am sick because I truly do not like to talk about it at all. So, I usually don't warn friends what to look out for if anything should go wrong with my blood sugar, because I feel like it makes them uncomfortable or hesitant to want to be around me. I feel like I need to explain how this disease affects me before I get to the point of this story.
When my blood sugar drops, it can be something that happens out of nowhere, or it can be something that happens gradually and I feel it coming. Most of the time, for me, it happens very suddenly and if I don't treat it quickly, then I have the potential to be in big trouble. Now, when my blood sugar runs high, that's a different story. I can generally feel those symptoms (blurry vision, aching back, excessive thirst, and irritable moods) and so I know to take insulin and drink water and it will all be okay. The lows are the scary part.

"Severe low blood sugar is sometimes called insulin shock. Untreated, it can be very dangerous, resulting in seizures, loss of consciousness, or death."

I was on the phone with my mom today, and I was telling her about a low blood sugar I'd had this morning. As usual, I woke up and it hit me suddenly and it hit HARD. My husband had already left for work, and I was here with the kids. Once I convinced myself to get up out of bed, and take care of myself, my vision was already bad. By that I mean, my sugar was so low that I was seeing things that were not there. It feels like things are coming at me really fast and then disappearing. So I close my eyes. Somehow I make it down the steps and to the kitchen to get a glass of apple juice, but by then things started to spin. I was getting very confused, and I was forgetting what I needed to do. This has happened before. And that time, I poured myself a glass of Coke and then dropped it and was walking around in circles when my husband came home and was able to help me. But today, I was on my own. I was starting to panic, and when that happens, I shake very hard and sometimes I begin to have a seizure. I knew I could NOT do that since no one was there to help me, and my son would be terrified if he saw me that way. I didn't have control though.

Suddenly, I caught my breath. Something came over me and really seemed to slow down my thinking and help me concentrate on what I needed to do to take care of myself. I grabbed the bottle of apple juice and began to drink it, while I sank down to sit in the floor so that my legs would not give out. I closed my eyes, I drank my juice, and I calmed down. Let me tell you: that was GOD, my friends. I checked my sugar and it was 32. The lowest it has ever been was 29, and I was in a seizure and not responsive for minutes. So, 32 isn't much of an improvement. I should have been dead, especially since there was no one there to help me. I should not have been able to come out of that because I was already so far gone. God kept me safe.

This has happened multiple times through my life, and even when I wasn't a firm believer of God and I wasn't building my faith, or trying to live through Him, I knew He was the one who kept me safe each and every time. He had to be, because nothing else makes sense. There is no reason why I should have came out of that state and been able to take care of myself, other than God led me to do it. He guided me! I can count numerous times that I should not have lived through a low and even a couple of high blood sugar episodes. But praise God, I am still here. He is not finished working on me yet. I am understanding that He has saved me for a reason. Probably because my boys need me, or maybe for a reason I haven't even considered yet. But I am so devoted to improving myself and living for God, because I owe Him my life. I owe Him my service. I owe Him my gratitude. I OWE HIM EVERYTHING. I will never doubt that God is in control and that God wants to keep us safe. We are His children, and as a parent I understand that kind of love. Everyday, I fail Him somehow, but He still loves me and has NOT given up on me yet.

All my love, 
Paige xo




1) Source: http://www.healthline.com/health/low-blood-sugar-effects-on-body